So I am much, much angrier than I thought. No fancy words tonight - I'm just so bleepin' pissed off I can hardly breathe. I don't know if this is PMS (it's not supposed to be, at any rate), and I know I sound like a bloody ingrate, but right now it feels like everything I've been told since I was 17 has been nothing but beautiful lies. Lies about who I am, what I can do, how I can fulfill some kind of larger purpose and perhaps, just perhaps, find some kind of happiness and contentment one day. It feels like every step I've taken for the past seven years has been some sort of sick mistake that has brought me further and further away from what I was led to believe I believed in. (Don't lie to the kiddies. I want no part of this.) The older I get the more uncertain I become about who I am and what I can possibly hope to do - is life like that? I don't know. Suddenly I just feel so... adrift. All I know is I feel this immense knot of frustration clogging up my throat, and all I want to do is cry angry tears and repeatedly mutter fuck and somehow make it all go away.