The heaviness in his heart tonight is equally and exquisitely mine. There are no why's and no but's - why does he feel this way? - but he should also think about - why doesn't he realise - why doesn't he try - but we are already so blessed - No. There are also no unconsciously self-validating attempts to help, to be the proverbial good and dutiful partner, while sneakily worried all the while that if he doesn't snap out of this our life together is going to be a bit of a drag. What there is is this - a thankfulness to God that I am able to serve as a conduit for the Holy Spirit to administer to him, that this has come at a time when I am clearer about God's will and more thankful than I have been in a long while for God's grace and providence, and also a sadness, a sense of regret and pain that he has to go through this - tempered, of course, by the bracing knowledge that God will, as He has invariably done, lead him through to become an even stronger and better person than he is today. I know that he will overcome these difficulties, and go on, with great love and fortitude, to do many more wonderful things for God and God's people. And I also know that he doesn't need to do all - or in fact, any - of these things for me to love him as much as I do.