asphyxiated
Before you start worrying again - yes, you, you know who you are - let me just say, no, I am not upset, I am not suicidal. I am stressed about midterms, yes. But far from suicidal, ok?
(see? the fact that I have to insert this disclaimer proves the whole point of this entry).
From a conversation I've just had with a friend -
It's ludicrous how difficult it is to just have some private space when you're home, especially in Singapore (but equally true of all cities).
Where do you go when you want to cry?
When at the end of a long week of pent-up things-that-could-have-been you honestly, sincerely want nothing more than a good heaving cry, where do you go? If you live with your parents, like most of us are going to do when we go home, and if your parents are anything like mine, you just cannot lock yourself up and bawl. It's not done.
So, where do you go?
If even parks and beaches are for little lovers and their tete-a-tetes.. honestly, where else can you go? Where do you go to get away from it all? There are just too bloody many people around.
I am reminded of Juliane Moore's character in The Hours - she just wants to get away, to have some time to herself to think about why she feels so desperately unhappy when she should have everything to be thankful for. She's feeling profoundly trapped by her precocious little son, her relatively loving husband, her friendly-enough neighbours - and when she finally manages to steal a few hours off an afternoon for herself, she has nowhere to go, so ends up driving aimlessly around the city for a bit. She finally checks herself into a decent-looking hotel, and has to come up with this elaborate story to tell to the hotel manager to make herself, a lone woman checking into a hotel, look less weird.
In the end, I wanted to tell my friend - I honestly don't know where you can go and have a good cry. Short of shelling out good money to get a non-seedy hotel room, I don't know where you can go for some damned peace and privacy and solitude to just let go.
This reminds me of the time when I told another friend - can we hang out tomorrow? no, not go out. I need a place to cry. Your place, ok?
I didn't end up crying at all, cos she lives with her parents and it would have been plain weird.
I think the solitude and anonymity is what I will miss above all else.
Anything can feel asphyxiating, sometimes.
(see? the fact that I have to insert this disclaimer proves the whole point of this entry).
From a conversation I've just had with a friend -
It's ludicrous how difficult it is to just have some private space when you're home, especially in Singapore (but equally true of all cities).
Where do you go when you want to cry?
When at the end of a long week of pent-up things-that-could-have-been you honestly, sincerely want nothing more than a good heaving cry, where do you go? If you live with your parents, like most of us are going to do when we go home, and if your parents are anything like mine, you just cannot lock yourself up and bawl. It's not done.
So, where do you go?
If even parks and beaches are for little lovers and their tete-a-tetes.. honestly, where else can you go? Where do you go to get away from it all? There are just too bloody many people around.
I am reminded of Juliane Moore's character in The Hours - she just wants to get away, to have some time to herself to think about why she feels so desperately unhappy when she should have everything to be thankful for. She's feeling profoundly trapped by her precocious little son, her relatively loving husband, her friendly-enough neighbours - and when she finally manages to steal a few hours off an afternoon for herself, she has nowhere to go, so ends up driving aimlessly around the city for a bit. She finally checks herself into a decent-looking hotel, and has to come up with this elaborate story to tell to the hotel manager to make herself, a lone woman checking into a hotel, look less weird.
In the end, I wanted to tell my friend - I honestly don't know where you can go and have a good cry. Short of shelling out good money to get a non-seedy hotel room, I don't know where you can go for some damned peace and privacy and solitude to just let go.
This reminds me of the time when I told another friend - can we hang out tomorrow? no, not go out. I need a place to cry. Your place, ok?
I didn't end up crying at all, cos she lives with her parents and it would have been plain weird.
I think the solitude and anonymity is what I will miss above all else.
Anything can feel asphyxiating, sometimes.
posted by leah | 4:55 PM
3 Comments:
1)Oh toilet, ya.. but then when i come out with red eyes i have explaining to do again.
2) I cannot drive! meh.
3) My house hor, the acoustics rock lah, sure can hear one lor. Plus, my brother's always up late, like me. Also, for my friend in question - she sleeps with her mum, so really quite difficult for her to get time alone.
wah lish, macham write essay leh you ;) but i take your points.
hey you!! sorry i've been mia for sooo long!! but thanks for your card!!! am moving out so yeah ... my place to cry yeah??? ;) *muaks* all the best for your midterms!
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