I am a chronic underrater of sleep.
Although I know fully well that life is better
1) non-sticky &
2) well-rested,
the first I can't fix, not for the next 70months of my life anyway (2 down! 70 to go!), the second.. well. I don't know, it seems to be a perennial problem.
There are just too many things running through my head right now. The endearingly offbeat film I just caught at the slippery-floored Vivocity (like I asked Yingxiang - do we really need another of those super-mall thingies??), the realisation that I may be spending 3.5 out of my 6 years of servitude doing something I really hardly feel any inclination towards (that's more than half, as any mathematically-challenged person - even I - can tell you... all together now: POOOO), the stupid presentation tomorrow that I've not done, the extreme annoyance I'm feeling towards my own perpetual inability to stop hurtling towards disaster and disappointment, the disconcerting fact that I can live and may actually enjoy life more without so many of the things and people that I've convinced myself I care about and am somehow fundamentally, viscerally, irrevocably connected with... (since when did "I love you" become "I can't bear the thought of you dying" become "actually, I really just can't bear the thought of you suffering and if you're going to be so damn unhappy despite all I do then perhaps we're both better off without you existing, yeah?")
so yes. I have to be up in less than 5hours. I should leave this for tomorrow, and end off instead with a wonderful quote that Diana sent me:
"Save" versus "savour"... I like.
Although I know fully well that life is better
1) non-sticky &
2) well-rested,
the first I can't fix, not for the next 70months of my life anyway (2 down! 70 to go!), the second.. well. I don't know, it seems to be a perennial problem.
There are just too many things running through my head right now. The endearingly offbeat film I just caught at the slippery-floored Vivocity (like I asked Yingxiang - do we really need another of those super-mall thingies??), the realisation that I may be spending 3.5 out of my 6 years of servitude doing something I really hardly feel any inclination towards (that's more than half, as any mathematically-challenged person - even I - can tell you... all together now: POOOO), the stupid presentation tomorrow that I've not done, the extreme annoyance I'm feeling towards my own perpetual inability to stop hurtling towards disaster and disappointment, the disconcerting fact that I can live and may actually enjoy life more without so many of the things and people that I've convinced myself I care about and am somehow fundamentally, viscerally, irrevocably connected with... (since when did "I love you" become "I can't bear the thought of you dying" become "actually, I really just can't bear the thought of you suffering and if you're going to be so damn unhappy despite all I do then perhaps we're both better off without you existing, yeah?")
so yes. I have to be up in less than 5hours. I should leave this for tomorrow, and end off instead with a wonderful quote that Diana sent me:
"If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. if it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."
e.b. white
"Save" versus "savour"... I like.
posted by leah | 1:32 AM
2 Comments:
perhaps life should be more than about enjoyment
tho i fully relate to wishing some people did not exist, especially when it would seem to be win-win for all
and yet, that wasn't (nor is) our choice, nor theirs, even
stickiness is a fact of life in singapore. humidity is no respecter of persons (military or otherwise).
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