seeing grey

I've always had this naggy feeling that with the passing of the years, with the temperance and moderation that age is supposed to bring, all I am feeling is more ambivalence and stasis. All I am seeing everywhere is grey, grey, and more shades of grey - and I often don't really know what to say when asked, for instance, whether I would sign a petition supporting (or not supporting) the repeal of 377a (for example). So I keep quiet, and worry about my inability to come down hard on anything, anyone outside of myself, nowadays - it's as though as I've become older, as I've started to live out more and more stereotypes that I used to turn my nose up at, I've started to be able to see everyone's perspective. So no one is ever completely wrong, completely degenerate, completely unforgivable. In trying to hate the sin and love the man I have become unable to judge, somehow.

Yet last night's conversation, where D commented that the things that used to bother me, the things that I used to struggle with pertaining to Christianity - these things don't seem to bother me very much anymore, made me think quite hard. And I've realised, it's true. I've come to accept and live by a lot more of God's commands - maybe as I've become more able to judge - and live with the judgement of - myself I've also become less able to judge others, if that makes any sense at all. Maybe now I know better what it's like to struggle, what it means to struggle. And so even though for me the tumult is over - not entirely, obviously, but at least in some parts of my life - I look upon those who are trying to find their feet with a sense of benign, passive tolerance. But is that unlove? Jesus never looked upon sinners with mere passive tolerance, or we wouldn't have the gift of eternal life today.